Holy Grandmom

My Lola. She is Lucia Gomez Garay a.k.a. LOLA HOLY from San Agustin, Surigao del Sur. She’s the mother of  my biological mother Julia Garay Escudero. So why I posted about my Grandmother? Hmmmm this is all because a lot of unspeakable thoughts is running on my mind today about her. Thoughts of love, joy and inspiration. Unfortunately, she don’t know all of these. I mean, that issue about ”open communication”  as what I’ve mentioned in my previous posts. Sad… For me, Lola is the best ever mother in the world. Can you imagine that, she was widowed in her early married life. Her 9 children was left with her alone. She wasn’t even stable financially because she has no job. She was just a simple and a plain house wife and mother alone. Until now, I cannot imagine how she was able to handle her life without my Lolo who was a carpenter   when he was still alive. That’s why Lola is an inspiration to her children and for me. I know some of her sacrifices just to survive and raise her children well. She was the most ”thrifty” woman ever. And I think it was not something  negative about her because I very sure it was the main reason why she has everything now. 8 of her children graduated from college. Oh I remember my childhood days, when I witness people coming in and out of our house. I cannot fully understand what is happening those days but those people coming in has the same purpose. Some of them cries to my lola, some shares their problem. Then I can see my grandmother secretly give a certain amount to them. As I grow older, I always witness that kind of moment in our living room and slowly I understand that it was one way of my Lola to survive and have an income by letting people borrow her money and these people return the money by paying it every month with an increase amount which became my Lola’s so called small business. =). In Filipino it is called ”pautang”. It has also became her own way of helping people in terms of their financial problem. Lola started with a little amount, she handled the money very well as in from hundreds to thousands. I always witness also, how she finds way in order for her children to continue studying until college. Every peso counts because her children were studying in Davao City, 7 hours away from our province. Lola needs enough budget from the fare to tuition fees. There are even times when her children cannot travel back to the city because lola has nothing to give or maybe lola’s money is not enough. Unfortunately, there are people who has borrowed money and cannot return it back to Lola. This happened many times and I always heared Lola’s reaction about it “Sagdi ra sa sa adto, ang Ginoo ra ang bahala” (it’s okey, our Lord is up to them anyway”). And that’s her best armor in her whole life. Lola was ever devoted and faithful to God. She was the one taught me how to pray the rosary, Angelus and some other prayers. She woke up every dawn to pray and if she has nothing to do also, I always caught her praying in her room. I admit that I only pray every meal, before I sleep, or sometimes when I woke up or if I have something to ask for. But Lola was ever religious. She was the one who prove me that, in every happenings in our life, we should surrender it to God and everything will follow accordingly. That’s why she was really blessed with everything she has despite of something she only had.

Now, Lola is getting older and I am afraid of the future. You know what I mean. I am just being emotional because I think and I am aware na I should have be thankful enough for everything she does for her children including her grand daughters. Alam kong hindi ako naging isang perpektong apo. Minsan, nasasagot ko siya, minsan din nakakalimutan ko siyang unahin, or should I say I’ve taken her for granted a lot of times. Maybe because I have this self-satisfaction na whatever happens, hindi niya ako iiwan or I can always turn to her and that she’s always there for me. Kaya ngayon, na I already have a work, kahit hindi pa ako stable, at dahil alam kong marami akong naging pagkukulang bilang apo, I wanted to share my blessings to thank you Lola. I know it’s not enough but I’d be happy to share it with you. I wanted to say Sorry sa mga kasalanan ko sa’yo. Maraming akong kasalanan alam ‘yon ni Lord. =(. I wanted to thank you Lola for everything you did for our family para maging maayos. Sometimes I misunderstand your principles in some things. Diri kita magkasinabot kay ako burara, magasto while ikaw sobra katipid. I remember those time na gutom na gutom na ako and I wanted to eat all the left food (vegetables) in cooking pan. But she called my attention. Mag iwan daw ako kahit limang slices ng kalabasa baka gutomin ‘yong Uncle ko (to think na isang serving na lang talaga ‘yong ulam). Kahit ngayon na medyo mas naging maayos na ang buhay namin kasi may mga trabaho na anak niya, di parin maiwasan ni lola TO BE HER SELF. Kasi nga ganon na talaga siya. Masyadong matipid, para mapaghandaan ang future. Ngayong ko lang naiintindihan ang lahat. How I wish ganon din ako=) haha.

Minsan nga sinisita namin siya na gawin kung ano yong pwedeng magawa niya, or I mean wag na maging matipid, pero hindi niya talagawa maga gawa kaya minsan din hinahayaan namin siya sa kung anong gusto niya=).

That’s why I am so proud of having my Lola. She has become a big part of the whole me. Of what I have now and who would I become in the future. Sorry Lola. I know this is stupid, I am writing it here in the blog yet I know you won’t be able to read this. But hopefully, I would have the courage to tell these all right in front of you. Thank you Lola for all the sacrifices, for the love and prayers. Salamat po talaga. Proud ako na apo mo ako. I LOVE YOU and I LOVE LOLA HOLY. Mwahhhhh!

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